Dating in polyamorous relationships or looking for a unicorn can be a lot of fun—but honestly, it can also be messy. Over time, I’ve noticed some red flags popping up again and again, and I’ve learned a few ways to deal with them without losing my mind. Here’s my personal take, straight from my own experience.
See the red flags, dodge the pitfalls
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1. Likes a Lot but Rarely Replies
I used to swipe and like, like, like… maybe 50 profiles in one night. And guess what? Only a couple replied. Ugh!
What I do now:
- Focus on 3–5 matches at a time. It’s way easier to have real conversations.
- If they don’t reply in 2–3 days, I just move on. No need to chase.
- Example:
“Hey, I’m really enjoying our chat—how about you? 😊”
2. Ghosting After a Few Messages
Ever match with someone who seems perfect… and poof, they vanish? Yeah, been there.
My approach:
- I send one casual follow-up:
“Hey, I’m still here! Want to continue chatting? 😊”
- Wait 24–48 hours. If nothing, I stop stressing and focus elsewhere.
3. Hot One Day, Cold the Next
Some people are super enthusiastic one day, then suddenly silent. It’s confusing!
Tip from experience:
- Observe for a week before investing too much.
- If they’re cold twice in a row, I pause.
- Sample line:
“I noticed you’re sometimes super engaged, other times quiet. What’s your usual pace?”
4. Flaky or Last-Minute Cancellations
Getting stood up is the worst. Been there, waited an hour for someone who never showed.
What I do:
- Confirm plans 24 hours in advance:
“Hey, just checking if tomorrow at 2 PM still works? 😊”
- If they can’t confirm, I cancel on my end.
- Two missed appointments = no more scheduling.
5. Avoids Talking About Boundaries
Some people just don’t want to discuss comfort levels or expectations.
My method:
- Be upfront:
“I want to talk about boundaries before we meet—it’s important to me.”
- If they dodge, I stop investing. Life’s too short to guess.
6. Pushy or Pressuring
Some folks rush intimacy or try to push meetings too soon. Not cool.
My approach:
- Stick to my pace, always.
- Say it clearly:
“I like taking time to get to know someone—hope you can respect that 😊”
- If they persist, I block or stop chatting.
7. Disrespecting Partner Agreements
If they ignore the rules I have with my partner? Big red flag 🚩.
What I do:
- Make agreements clear upfront:
“These are the guidelines I have with my partner—I hope you understand.”
- Anyone who disregards that? I don’t meet. Simple as that.
8. Too Much Complaining or Drama
Some conversations are just exhausting—constant negativity drains me.
My method:
- Limit chat to 10–15 minutes if things are too heavy.
- Notice if they can be positive or playful.
- If not, I step back. Protect your vibe.
9. Mysterious or Inconsistent Info
Profiles that are vague or stories that don’t add up? Hard to trust.
My tip:
- Ask for clarification:
“I’m a bit confused—can you explain that part?”
- Keep seeing inconsistencies? I stop investing.
10.No Shared Enthusiasm
If they’re not excited to chat or meet, it’s a dealbreaker.
My rule:
- Pay attention to engagement during chats and meetups.
- Only continue with people who show genuine interest in both me and my partner.
What I’ve Learned
- Watch patterns, not single incidents.
- Communicate boundaries early.
- Prioritize respect, prompt replies, and shared enthusiasm.
- When red flags appear, trust your instincts and move on.
Curious about unicorn dating? Take a look at our Ultimate Unicorn Dating Guide.