Okay, let’s be real—online dating apps are basically a human zoo. You swipe, you match, and you meet… some seriously weird people. I’ve spent my fair share of time looking for unicorns (yes, unicorn dating) and even tried a couple of FFM threesomes through these apps. Along the way, I’ve encountered some characters that made me laugh, cringe, or both.
Here’s a rundown of the types of people you might bump into:
Swipe-Crazy Collectors
Some people swipe like it’s a game—right on anyone who looks vaguely human. You match, and their opener is usually: “Hi” or “What’s up?” or “Send a pic lol.” Zero effort to actually talk. I once matched with someone like this and had to resist rolling my eyes so hard I almost broke my neck.
Filter Fanatics
Photos are one thing, reality is another. Heavy filters, decade-old glamour shots, or artistic partial face pics… meeting them in person is a shocker. First time I met one, I literally had to do a double take. Tech magic can fool the eyes, but it won’t fool chemistry.
Mr./Ms. Negative
These folks can’t help but dump all their life problems on you. Work, exes, society… everything. I once matched with someone who spent the first 10 minutes telling me why life sucks, and I just texted back: “Wow… drink some water, I’ll catch up later.”
The Interviewer
Some people treat the chat like a job interview. “How tall are you? What do you do? Salary?” I’m like, chill, I’m not filling out a tax form—I’m just here for a date.
Fast-Track Lovers
Match, a few messages, and boom—they want to meet now. Or they drop some overly forward hints. I’ve had people literally ask me to meet tonight… like, slow down, I haven’t even had my coffee yet.
The Philosopher
Blank profile, fuzzy pics, and the chat is all: “What’s the meaning of life?” but ask about them personally… crickets. One guy spent 20 minutes philosophizing about existence while dodging every personal question.
Salespeople
Nope, not here to date. Within minutes, they’re trying to sell you insurance, supplements, or “life-changing” business schemes. Just block and move on.
Ex-Obsession
Three messages in, and it’s all about the ex. Either they’re still in love or bitterly complaining. You’re just a supporting role in their ex-drama. One guy even compared me to his ex and said, “You’re better though.” I couldn’t help but laugh.
Self-Confidence Overload
Over-the-top selfies, shirtless pics, and cringe “pickup lines.” I just scroll silently, thinking: “Okay… that’s… one way to do it.”
How to Survive This Madness
- Laugh it off – Treat these encounters as funny stories for later.
- Set boundaries – Don’t feel obligated to respond if it feels off.
- Stop wasting energy – If it’s weird, unmatch or ghost.
- Stay safe – First meetups? Public spots only, tell a friend where you’re going.
- Use app tools – Block or report anyone that crosses the line.
A Better, Safer Option: CouplesAndUnicorns
Honestly, if you’re looking for couples looking for unicorns, FFM threesomes, or just a higher-quality threesome dating site, CouplesAndUnicorns is worth checking out.
- Profiles are verified, users are real
- Community is chill and respectful
- Way less time wasted on random weirdos
I’ve used it myself to find a unicorn for a threesome, and it was way smoother than hopping around generic dating apps. We chatted about boundaries, likes, and expectations in advance, so everyone felt comfortable.
Why I Recommend It
- Fun, safe, and adult-friendly environment
- Helps you avoid the cringe-fest of regular apps
- Makes finding a compatible unicorn way easier
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